Breaking Dawn - Chapter 10

Why did'nt I just walk away? Oh right, because I'm an idiot.

I felt like—like I don’t know what. Like this wasn’t real. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire’s wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.




No, I wouldn’t do it. It was twisted and wrong. I was going to forget all about what he’d said.



But I would talk to her. I’d try to make her listen to me.



And she wouldn’t. Just like always.



Edward didn’t answer or comment on my thoughts as he led the way back to the house. I wondered about the place that he’d chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the others couldn’t hear his whispers? Was that the point?



Maybe. When we walked through the door, the other Cullens’ eyes were suspicious and confused. No one looked disgusted or outraged. So they must not have heard either favor Edward had asked me for.



I hesitated in the open doorway, not sure what to do now. It was better right there, with a little bit of breathable air blowing in from outside.



Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched him anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to me for a second. Then she was watching him again.



Her face turned a grayish pale, and I could see what he meant about the stress making her feel worse.



“We’re going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately,” Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his voice. Robotic.



“Over my pile of ashes,” Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering by Bella’s head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on Bella’s sallow cheek.



Edward didn’t look at her. “Bella,” he said in that same empty tone. “Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?”



Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.



“Rose, it’s fine. Jake’s not going to hurt us. Go with Edward.”



“It might be a trick,” the blonde warned.



“I don’t see how,” Bella said.



“Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie,” Edward said. The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. “We’re the ones she’s afraid of.”



“No,” Bella whispered. Her eyes were glistening, her lashes wet. “No, Edward. I’m not. . . .”



He shook his head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. “I didn’t mean it that way, Bella. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”



Sickening. He was right—she was beating herself up about hurting his feelings.



The girl was a classic martyr. She’d totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause.



“Everyone,” Edward said, his hand stiffly motioning toward the door. “Please.”



The composure he was trying to keep up for Bella was shaky. I could see how close he was to that burning man he’d been outside. The others saw it, too.



Silently, they moved out the door while I shifted out of the way. They moved fast; my heart beat twice, and the room was cleared except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, still waiting by the door.



“Rose,” Bella said quietly. “I want you to go.”



The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first. He disappeared out the door. She gave me a long warning glower, and then she disappeared, too.



Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.



“Thanks, Jake. That feels good.”



“I’m not going to lie, Bells. You’re hideous.”



“I know,” she sighed. “I’m scary-looking.”



“Thing-from-the-swamp scary,” I agreed.



She laughed. “It’s so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I don’t know how much more drama I can stand.”



I rolled my eyes.



“Okay, okay,” she agreed. “I bring it on myself.”



“Yeah, you do. What’re you thinking, Bells? Seriously!”



“Did he ask you to yell at me?”



“Sort of. Though I can’t figure why he thinks you’d listen to me. You never havebefore.”She sighed.



“I told you—,” I started to say.



“Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob?” she asked, cutting me off. “His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’”



“Good one.”

She grinned at me. Her skin stretched tight over the bones. “I can’t take credit—I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons.”



“Missed that one.”



“It was funny.”



We didn’t talk for a minute. Her hands were starting to warm up a little.



“Did he really ask you to talk to me?”



I nodded. “To talk some sense into you. There’s a battle that’s lost before it starts.”



“So why did you agree?”



I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure I knew.



I did know this—every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.



“It’ll work out, you know,” she said after a quiet minute. “I believe that.”



That made me see red again. “Is dementia one of your symptoms?” I snapped.



She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.



“Maybe,” she said. “I’m not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I’ve lived through and not believe in magic by this point?”



“Magic?”



“Especially for you,” she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pressed it against my cheek. Warmer than before, but it felt cool against my skin, like most things did. “More than anyone else, you’ve got some magic waiting to make things right for you.”



“What are you babbling about?”



Still smiling. “Edward told me once what it was like—your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night’s Dream, like magic. You’ll find who you’re really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense.”



If she hadn’t looked so fragile I would’ve been screaming.



As it was, I did growl at her.



“If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity . . .” I struggled for words. “Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?” I jabbed a finger toward her swollen body. “Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die”—the words

were a snar —“how is that ever right again? What’s the point to all the pain?



Mine, yours, his! You’ll kill him, too, not that I care about that.” She flinched, but I kept going. “So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don’t see it.”



She sighed. “I don’t know yet, Jake. But I just… feel… that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith.”



“You’re dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!”



Her hand dropped from my face to her bloated stomach, caressed it. She didn’t have to say the words for me to know what she was thinking. She was dying for it.



“I’m not going to die,” she said through her teeth, and I could tell she was repeating things she’d said before. “I will keep my heart beating. I’m strong enough for that.”



“That’s a load of crap, Bella. You’ve been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You’re not strong enough.” I took her face in my hand. I didn’t have to remind myself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.



“I can do this. I can do this,” she muttered, sounding a lot like that kids’ book

about the little engine that could.



“Doesn’t look like it to me. So what’s your plan? I hope you have one.”



She nodded, not meeting my eyes. “Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean.”



“So?”



“So she was close enough to dead that they didn’t even bother taking her to the emergency room—they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her. . . .”



That’s what she’d meant before, about keeping her heart beating.



“You’re not planning on surviving this human,” I stated dully.



“No. I’m not stupid.” She met my stare then. “I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though.”



“Emergency vampirization,” I mumbled.



“It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn’t end lives, he saves them.”



I felt a sudden twinge of guilt about the good vampire doctor, like before. I shoved the thought away and started in on the begging.



“Listen to me, Bells. Don’t do it that way.” Like before, when the call from Charlie had come, I could see how much difference it really made to me. I realized I needed her to stay alive, in some form. In any form. I took a deep breath. “Don’t wait until it’s too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do it to him.” My voice got harder, louder. “You know what he’s going to do when you die. You’ve seen it before. You want him to go back to those



Italian killers?” She cringed into the sofa.



I left out the part about how that wouldn’t be necessary this time.



Struggling to make my voice softer, I asked, “Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?”



I waited, but she wouldn’t answer. She pressed her lips together.



“You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle,” I reminded her. “And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you.”



“You listened because it was the right thing to do.”



“Okay—pick either reason.”



She took a deep breath. “It’s not the right thing now.” Her gaze touched her big round stomach and she whispered under her breath, “I won’t kill him.”



My hands shook again. “Oh, I hadn’t heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons.”



Her face turned pink. The color was so beautiful—it twisted in my stomach like a knife. A serrated knife, rusty and ragged.



I was going to lose this. Again.



“I don’t know he’s a boy,” she admitted, a little sheepish. “The ultrasound wouldn’t work. The membrane around the baby is too hard—like their skin. So he’s a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head.”



“It’s not some pretty baby in there, Bella.”



“We’ll see,” she said. Almost smug.



“You won’t,” I snarled.



“You’re very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this.”



I couldn’t answer. I looked down and breathed deep and slow, trying to get a grip on my fury.



“Jake,” she said, and she patted my hair, stroked my cheek. “It’s going to be okay.



Shh. It’s okay.”



I didn’t look up. “No. It will not be okay.”



She wiped something wet from my cheek. “Shh.”



“What’s the deal, Bella?” I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. “I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you’re just giving him up? That doesn’t make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom?



If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?”



I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldn’t change their direction. She sighed. “It’s not like that. I didn’t really care about having a baby. I didn’t even think about it. It’s not just having a baby. It’s… well… this baby.”



“It’s a killer, Bella. Look at yourself.”



“He’s not. It’s me. I’m just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I

can—”



“Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you’re not fooling me. You know you’re not going to make it.”



She glared at me. “I do not know that. I’m worried about it, sure.”



“Worried about it,” I repeated through my teeth.



She gasped then and clutched at her stomach. My fury vanished like a light switch being turned off.



“I’m fine,” she panted. “It’s nothing.”



But I didn’t hear; her hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side, and I stared, horrified, at the skin it exposed. Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purple-black ink.



She saw my stare, and she yanked the fabric back in place.



“He’s strong, that’s all,” she said defensively.



The ink spots were bruises.



I almost gagged, and I understood what he’d said, about watching it hurt her.



Suddenly, I felt a little crazy myself.



“Bella,” I said.



She heard the change in my voice. She looked up, still breathing heavy, her eyes

confused.



“Bella, don’t do this.”



“Jake—”



Listen to me. Don’t get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if… ?”



“What if what?”



“What if this wasn’t a one-shot deal? What if it wasn’t all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?”



“I won’t—”



“I’m not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn’t work out.



Try again.”



She frowned. She raised one hand and touched the place where my eyebrows were mashing together. Her fingers smoothed my forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it.



“I don’t understand.… What do you mean, try again? You can’t think Edward would let me… ? And what difference would it make? I’m sure any baby—”



“Yes,” I snapped. “Any kid of his would be the same.”



Her tired face just got more confused. “What?”



But I couldn’t say any more. There was no point. I would never be able to save her from herself. I’d never been able to do that.



Then she blinked, and I could see she got it.



“Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination?” She was mad now. “Why would I want to have some stranger’s baby? I suppose it just doesn’t make a difference?



Any baby will do?”



“I didn’t mean that,” I muttered. “Not a stranger.”



She leaned forward. “Then what are you saying?”



“Nothing. I’m saying nothing. Same as ever.”



“Where did that come from?”



“Forget it, Bella.”



She frowned, suspicious. “Did he tell you to say that?”



I hesitated, surprised that she’d made that leap so quick. “No.”



“He did, didn’t he?”



“No, really. He didn’t say anything about artificial whatever.”



Her face softened then, and she sank back against the pillows, looking exhausted.



She stared off to the side when she spoke, not talking to me at all. “He would do anything for me. And I’m hurting him so much.… But what is he thinking? That I would trade this”—her hand traced across her belly—“for some stranger’s . . .” She mumbled the last part, and then her voice trailed off. Her eyes were wet.



“You don’t have to hurt him,” I whispered. It burned like poison in my mouth to beg for him, but I knew this angle was probably my best bet for keeping her alive.



Still a thousand-to-one odds. “You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he’s losing it. Honestly, I do.”



She didn’t seem to be listening; her hand made small circles on her battered stomach while she chewed on her lip. It was quiet for a long time. I wondered if the Cullens were very far away. Were they listening to my pathetic attempts to reason with her?



“Not a stranger?” she murmured to herself. I flinched. “What exactly did Edward say to you?” she asked in a low voice.



“Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me.”



“Not that. About trying again.”



Her eyes locked on mine, and I could see that I’d already given too much away.



“Nothing.”



Her mouth fell open a little. “Wow.”



It was silent for a few heartbeats. I looked down at my feet again, unable to meet her stare.



“He really would do anything, wouldn’t he?” she whispered.



“I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells.”



“I’m surprised you didn’t tell on him right away. Get him in trouble.”



When I looked up, she was grinning.



“Thought about it.” I tried to grin back, but I could feel the smile mangle on my face.



She knew what I was offering, and she wasn’t going to think twice about it. I’d known that she wouldn’t. But it still stung.



“There isn’t much you wouldn’t do for me, either, is there?” she whispered. “I really don’t know why you bother. I don’t deserve either of you.”



“It makes no difference, though, does it?”



“Not this time.” She sighed. “I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can’t hurt him”—she pointed to her stomach—“any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him.”



“Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?”



“I don’t think I do.”



I cleared the lump out of my throat so that I could make my voice hard like I wanted it. “Trust me.”



I started to get to my feet.



“Where are you going?”



“I’m not doing any good here.”



She held out her thin hand, pleading. “Don’t go.”



I could feel the addiction sucking at me, trying to keep me near her.



“I don’t belong here. I’ve got to get back.”



“Why did you come today?” she asked, still reaching limply.



“Just to see if you were really alive. I didn’t believe you were sick like Charlie said.”



I couldn’t tell from her face whether she bought that or not.



“Will you come back again? Before . . .”



“I’m not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella.”



She flinched. “You’re right, you’re right. You should go.”



I headed for the door.



“Bye,” she whispered behind me. “Love you, Jake.”



I almost went back. I almost turned around and fell down on my knees and started begging again. But I knew that I had to quit Bella, quit her cold turkey, before she killed me, like she was going to kill him.



“Sure, sure,” I mumbled on my way out.



I didn’t see any of the vampires. I ignored my bike, standing all alone in the middle of the meadow. It wasn’t fast enough for me now. My dad would be freaked out—Sam, too. What would the pack make of the fact that they hadn’t heard me phase? Would they think the Cullens got me before I’d had the chance?



I stripped down, not caring who might be watching, and started running. I blurred into wolf mid-stride.



They were waiting. Of course they were.



Jacob, Jake, eight voices chorused in relief.



Come home now, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.



I felt Paul fade out, and I knew Billy and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to me. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that I wasn’t vampire chow to listen to the whole story.



I didn’t have to tell the pack I was on my way—they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted for home. I didn’t have to tell them that I was half-past crazy, either. The sickness in my head was obvious.



They saw all the horror—Bella’s mottled stomach; her raspy voice: he’s strong, that’s all; the burning man in Edward’s face: watching her sicken and waste away… seeing it hurting her; Rosalie crouched over Bella’s limp body: Bella’s life means nothing to her—and for once, no one had anything to say.



Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Wordless.



I was halfway home before anyone recovered. Then they all started running to meet me.



It was almost dark—the clouds covered the sunset completely. I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen.



We met up about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see us. Paul found them when I did, so the pack was complete.



The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.



Sam’s hackles were sticking straight up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head.



The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.



At first their anger was undefined, and I thought I was in for it. I was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to me for circumventing orders.



And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.



How can this be? What does it mean? What will it be?



Not safe. Not right. Dangerous.



Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.



We can’t allow it.



The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and one other. I sat beside whichever brother it was, too dazed to look over with either my eyes or my mind and see who was next to me, while the pack circled around us.



The treaty does not cover this.



This puts everyone in danger.



I tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the curling pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasn’t making sense. The pictures in the center of their thoughts were my pictures—the very worst of them.



Bella’s bruises, Edward’s face as he burned.



They fear it, too.



But they won’t do anything about it.



Protecting Bella Swan.



We can’t let that influence us.



The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human.



If they won’t kill it, we have to.



Protect the tribe.



Protect our families.



We have to kill it before it’s too late.



Another of my memories, Edward’s words this time: The thing is growing.



Swiftly.



I struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.



No time to waste, Jared thought.



It will mean a fight, Embry cautioned. A bad one.



We’re ready, Paul insisted.



We’ll need surprise on our side, Sam thought.



If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase our chances of victory, Jared thought, starting to strategize now.



I shook my head, rising slowly to my feet. I felt unsteady there—like the circling wolves were making me dizzy. The wolf beside me got up, too. His shoulder pushed against mine, propping me up.



Wait, I thought.



The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again.



There’s little time, Sam said.



But—what are you thinking? You wouldn’t attack them for breaking the treaty this afternoon. Now you’re planning an ambush, when the treaty is still intact?



This is not something our treaty anticipated, Sam said. This is a danger to every human in the area. We don’t know what kind of creature the Cullens have bred, but we know that it is strong and fast-growing. And it will be too young to follow any treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, but protected by

the Cullens.



We don’t know— I tried to interrupt.



We don’t know, he agreed. And we can’t take chances with the unknown in this case. We can only allow the Cullens to exist while we’re absolutely sure that they can be trusted not to cause harm. This… thing cannot be trusted.



They don’t like it any more than we do.



Sam pulled Rosalie’s face, her protective crouch, from my mind and put it on

display for everyone.



Some are ready to fight for it, no matter what it is.



It’s just a baby, for crying out loud.



Not for long, Leah whispered.



Jake, buddy, this is a big problem, Quil said. We can’t just ignore it.



You’re making it into something bigger than it is, I argued. The only one who’s

in danger here is Bella.



Again by her own choice, Sam said. But this time her choice affects us all.



I don’t think so.



We can’t take that chance. We won’t allow a blood drinker to hunt on our lands.



Then tell them to leave, the wolf who was still supporting me said. It was Seth. Of course.



And inflict the menace on others? When blood drinkers cross our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can.



This is crazy, I said. This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger.



This afternoon I didn’t know our families were at risk.



I can’t believe this! How’re you going to kill this creature without killing Bella?



There were no words, but the silence was full of meaning.



I howled. She’s human, too! Doesn’t our protection apply to her?



She’s dying anyway, Leah thought. We’ll just shorten the process.



That did it. I leaped away from Seth, toward his sister, with my teeth bared. I was about to catch her left hind leg when I felt Sam’s teeth cut into my flank, dragging

me back.



I howled in pain and fury and turned on him.



Stop! he ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.



My legs seemed to buckle under me. I jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on my feet by sheer willpower.



He turned his gaze away from me. You will not be cruel to him, Leah, he commanded her. Bella’s sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will all recognize that.



It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing. We will all mourn for what we do tonight.



Tonight? Seth repeated, shocked. Sam—I think we should talk about this some more. Consult with the Elders, at least. You can’t seriously mean for us to—



We can’t afford your tolerance for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate.



You will do as you are told, Seth.



Seth’s front knees folded, and his head fell forward under the weight of the



Alpha’s command.



Sam paced in a tight circle around the two of us.



We need the whole pack for this. Jacob, you are our strongest fighter. You will fight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters—Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You don’t have to be involved with the… other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you.



My knees trembled; I struggled to hold myself upright while the voice of the



Alpha lashed at my will.



Paul, Jared, and I will take on Edward and Rosalie. I think, from the information Jacob has brought us, they will be the ones guarding Bella. Carlisle and Alice will also be close, possibly Esme. Brady, Collin, Seth, and Leah will concentrate on them. Whoever has a clear line on—we all heard him mentally stutter over Bella’s name—the creature will take it. Destroying the creature is our first priority.



The pack rumbled in nervous agreement. The tension had everyone’s fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil.



Only Seth and I were still, the eye in the center of a storm of bared teeth and flattened ears. Seth’s nose was almost touching the ground, bowed under Sam’s commands. I felt his pain at the coming disloyalty. For him this was a betrayal— during that one day of alliance, fighting beside Edward Cullen, Seth had truly become the vampire’s friend.





There was no resistance in him, however. He would obey no matter how much it hurt him. He had no other choice.



And what choice did I have? When the Alpha spoke, the pack followed.



Sam had never pushed his authority this far before; I knew he honestly hated to see Seth kneeling before him like a slave at the foot of his master. He wouldn’t force this if he didn’t believe that he had no other choice. He couldn’t lie to us when we were linked mind to mind like this. He really believed it was our duty to destroy Bella and the monster she carried. He really believed we had no time to

waste. He believed it enough to die for it.



I saw that he would face Edward himself; Edward’s ability to read our thoughts made him the greatest threat in Sam’s mind. Sam would not let someone else take on that danger.



He saw Jasper as the second-greatest opponent, which is why he’d given him tome. He knew that I had the best chance of any of the pack to win that fight. He’d left the easiest targets for the younger wolves and Leah. Little Alice was no danger without her future vision to guide her, and we knew from our time of alliance that Esme was not a fighter. Carlisle would be more of a challenge, but

his hatred of violence would hinder him.



I felt sicker than Seth as I watched Sam plan it out, trying to work the angles to give each member of the pack the best chance of survival.



Everything was inside out. This afternoon, I’d been chomping at the bit to attack them. But Seth had been right—it wasn’t a fight I’d been ready for. I’d blinded myself with that hate. I hadn’t let myself look at it carefully, because I must have known what I would see if I did.



Carlisle Cullen. Looking at him without that hate clouding my eyes, I couldn’t deny that killing him was murder. He was good. Good as any human we protected. Maybe better. The others, too, I supposed, but I didn’t feel as strongly about them. I didn’t know them as well. It was Carlisle who would hate fighting back, even to save his own life. That’s why we would be able to kill him—because

he wouldn’t want us, his enemies, to die.



This was wrong.



And it wasn’t just because killing Bella felt like killing me, like suicide.



Pull it together, Jacob, Sam ordered. The tribe comes first.



I was wrong today, Sam.



Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill.



I braced myself. No.



Sam snarled and stopped pacing in front of me. He stared into my eyes and a deep growl slid between his teeth.



Yes, the Alpha decreed, his double voice blistering with the heat of his authority.



There are no loopholes tonight. You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are obligated to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You will perform this bligation.



My shoulders hunched as the edict crushed me. My legs collapsed, and I was on my belly under him.



No member of the pack could refuse the Alpha.

Categories: breaking dawn, twilight

Breaking Dawn - Chapter 9

Sure as hell did'nt see that one coming

I didn’t really plan to say goodbye to my father.




After all, one quick call to Sam and the game would be up. They’d cut me off and push me back. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt me—somehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law.



But Billy was expecting me, knowing I’d be in some kind of state. He was in the yard, just sitting there in his wheelchair with his eyes right on the spot where I came through the trees. I saw him judge my direction—headed straight past the house to my homemade garage.



“Got a minute, Jake?”



I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage.



“C’mon kid. At least help me inside.”



I gritted my teeth but decided that he’d be more likely to cause trouble with Sam



if I didn’t lie to him for a few minutes.



“Since when do you need help, old man?”



He laughed his rumbling laugh. “My arms are tired. I pushed myself all the way here from Sue’s.”



“It’s downhill. You coasted the whole way.”



I rolled his chair up the little ramp I’d made for him and into the living room.



“Caught me. Think I got up to about thirty miles per hour. It was great.”



“You’re gonna wreck that chair, you know. And then you’ll be dragging yourself around by your elbows.”



“Not a chance. It’ll be your job to carry me.”



“You won’t be going many places.”



Billy put his hands on the wheels and steered himself to the fridge. “Any food left?”



“You got me. Paul was here all day, though, so probably not.”



Billy sighed. “Have to start hiding the groceries if we’re gonna avoid starvation.”



“Tell Rachel to go stay at his place.”



Billy’s joking tone vanished, and his eyes got soft. “We’ve only had her home a few weeks. First time she’s been here in a long time. It’s hard—the girls were older than you when your mom passed. They have more trouble being in this house.”



“I know.”



Rebecca hadn’t been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey. Washington State was close enough that Rachel didn’t have the same defense. She’d taken classes straight through the summer semesters, working double shifts over the holidays at some café on campus. If it hadn’t been for Paul, she probably would have taken

off again real quick. Maybe that was why Billy wouldn’t kick him out.



“Well, I’m going to go work on some stuff. . . .” I started for the back door.



“Wait up, Jake. Aren’t you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?”



I stood with my back to him, hiding my face.



“Nothing happened. Sam’s giving them a bye. Guess we’re all just a bunch of

leech lovers now.”



“Jake . . .”



“I don’t want to talk about it.”



“Are you leaving, son?”



The room was quiet for a long time while I decided how to say it.



“Rachel can have her room back. I know she hates that air mattress.”



“She’d rather sleep on the floor than lose you. So would I.”



I snorted.



“Jacob, please. If you need… a break. Well, take it. But not so long again. Come back.”



“Maybe. Maybe my gig will be weddings. Make a cameo at Sam’s, then Rachel’s.



Jared and Kim might come first, though. Probably ought to have a suit or something.”



“Jake, look at me.”



I turned around slowly. “What?”



He stared into my eyes for a long minute. “Where are you going?”



“I don’t really have a specific place in mind.”



He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes narrowed. “Don’t you?”



We stared each other down. The seconds ticked by.



“Jacob,” he said. His voice was strained. “Jacob, don’t. It’s not worth it.”



“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”



“Leave Bella and the Cullens be. Sam is right.”



I stared at him for a second, and then I crossed the room in two long strides. I grabbed the phone and disconnected the cable from the box and the jack. I wadded the gray cord up in the palm of my hand.



“Bye, Dad.”



“Jake, wait—,” he called after me, but I was out the door, running.



The motorcycle wasn’t as fast as running, but it was more discreet. I wondered how long it would take Billy to wheel himself down to the store and then get someone on the phone who could get a message to Sam. I’d bet Sam was still in his wolf form. The problem would be if Paul came back to our place anytime soon. He could phase in a second and let Sam know what I was doing.…



I wasn’t going to worry about it. I would go as fast as I could, and if they caught me, I’d deal with that when I had to.



I kicked the bike to life and then I was racing down the muddy lane. I didn’t look behind me as I passed the house.



The highway was busy with tourist traffic; I wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. I took the turn onto the 101 at seventy, not bothering to look. I had to ride the line for a minute to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. Not that it would have killed me, but it would have slowed me down.



Broken bones—the big ones, at least—took days to heal completely, as I had good cause to know.



The freeway cleared up a little, and I pushed the bike to eighty. I didn’t touch the brake until I was close to the narrow drive; I figured I was in the clear then. Sam wouldn’t come this far to stop me. It was too late.



It wasn’t until that moment—when I was sure that I’d made it—that I started to think about what exactly I was going to do now. I slowed down to twenty, taking the twists through the trees more carefully than I needed to.



I knew they would hear me coming, bike or no bike, so surprise was out. There was no way to disguise my intentions. Edward would hear my plan as soon as I was close enough. Maybe he already could. But I thought this would still work out, because I had his ego on my side. He’d want to fight me alone.



So I’d just walk in, see Sam’s precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel.



I snorted. The parasite’d probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it.



When I finished with him, I’d take as many of the rest of them as I could before they got me. Huh—I wondered if Sam would consider my death provocation. Probably say I got what I deserved. Wouldn’t want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs.



The drive opened up into the meadow, and the smell hit me like a rotten tomato to the face. Ugh. Reeking vampires. My stomach started churning. The stench would be hard to take this way—undiluted by the scent of humans as it had been the other time I’d come here—though not as bad as smelling it through my wolf nose.



I wasn’t sure what to expect, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew I was here.



I cut the engine and listened to the quiet. Now I could hear tense, angry murmurs from just the other side of the wide double doors. Someone was home. I heard my name and I smiled, happy to think I was causing them a little stress.



I took one big gulp of air—it would only be worse inside—and leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.



The door opened before my fist touched it, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave.



“Hello, Jacob,” he said, calmer than I would have expected. “How are you?”



I took a deep breath through my mouth. The reek pouring through the door was

overpowering.



I was disappointed that it was Carlisle who answered. I’d rather Edward had come through the door, fangs out. Carlisle was so… just human or something.



Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when I got busted up. But it made me ncomfortable to look into his face and know that I was planning to kill him if I could.



“I heard Bella made it back alive,” I said.



“Er, Jacob, it’s not really the best time.” The doctor seemed uncomfortable, too, but not in the way I expected. “Could we do this later?”



I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking to post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?



And then I heard Bella’s voice, cracked and rough, and I couldn’t think about anything else.



“Why not?” she asked someone. “Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What’s the point?”



Her voice was not what I was expecting. I tried to remember the voices of the young vampires we’d fought in the spring, but all I’d registered was snarling.



Maybe those newborns hadn’t had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse.



“Come in, please, Jacob,” Bella croaked more loudly.



Carlisle’s eyes tightened.



I wondered if Bella was thirsty. My eyes narrowed, too.



“Excuse me,” I said to the doctor as I stepped around him. It was hard—it went against all my instincts to turn my back to one of them. Not impossible, though. If there was such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader.



I would stay away from Carlisle when the fight started. There were enough of them to kill without including him.



I sidestepped into the house, keeping my back to the wall. My eyes swept the room—it was unfamiliar. The last time I’d been in here it had been all done up for a party. Everything was bright and pale now. Including the six vampires standing in a group by the white sofa.



They were all here, all together, but that was not what froze me where I stood and had my jaw dropping to the floor.



It was Edward. It was the expression on his face.



I’d seen him angry, and I’d seen him arrogant, and once I’d seen him in pain. But this—this was beyond agony. His eyes were half-crazed. He didn’t look up to glare at me. He stared down at the couch beside him with an expression like someone had lit him on fire. His hands were rigid claws at his side.



I couldn’t even enjoy his anguish. I could only think of one thing that would make him look like that, and my eyes followed his.



I saw her at the same moment that I caught her scent.



Her warm, clean, human scent.



Bella was half-hidden behind the arm of the sofa, curled up in a loose fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a long second I could see nothing except that she was still the Bella that I loved, her skin still a soft, pale peach, her eyes still the same chocolate brown. My heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and I wondered if this was just some lying dream that I was about to wake up from.



Then I really saw her.



There were deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that jumped out because her face was all haggard. Was she thinner? Her skin seemed tight—like her cheekbones might break right through it. Most of her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary.



She was sick. Very sick.



Not a lie. The story Charlie’d told Billy was not a story. While I stared, eyes

bugging, her skin turned light green.



The blond bloodsucker—the showy one, Rosalie—bent over her, cutting into my

view, hovering in a strange, protective way.



This was wrong. I knew how Bella felt about almost everything—her thoughts were so obvious; sometimes it was like they were printed on her forehead. So she didn’t have to tell me every detail of a situation for me to get it. I knew that Bella didn’t like Rosalie. I’d seen it in the set of her lips when she talked about her. Not just that she didn’t like her. She was afraid of Rosalie. Or she had been.



There was no fear as Bella glanced up at her now. Her expression was… apologetic or something. Then Rosalie snatched a basin from the floor and held it under Bella’s chin just in time for Bella to throw up noisily into it. Edward fell to his knees by Bella’s side—his eyes all tortured-looking—and

Rosalie held out her hand, warning him to keep back.



None of it made sense.



When she could raise her head, Bella smiled weakly at me, sort of embarrassed.



“Sorry about that,” she whispered to me.



Edward moaned real quiet. His head slumped against Bella’s knees. She put one of her hands against his cheek. Like she was comforting him.



I didn’t realize my legs had carried me forward until Rosalie hissed at me, suddenly appearing between me and the couch. She was like a person on a TV screen. I didn’t care she was there. She didn’t seem real.



“Rose, don’t,” Bella whispered. “It’s fine.”



Blondie moved out of my way, though I could tell she hated to do it. Scowling at

me, she crouched by Bella’s head, tensed to spring. She was easier to ignore than



I ever would have dreamed.



“Bella, what’s wrong?” I whispered. Without thinking about it, I found myself on my knees, too, leaning over the back of the couch across from her… husband. He didn’t seem to notice me, and I barely glanced at him. I reached out for her free hand, taking it in both of mine. Her skin was icy. “Are you all right?”



It was a stupid question. She didn’t answer it.



“I’m so glad you came to see me today, Jacob,” she said.



Even though I knew Edward couldn’t hear her thoughts, he seemed to hear some meaning I didn’t. He moaned again, into the blanket that covered her, and she stroked his cheek.



“What is it, Bella?” I insisted, wrapping my hands tight around her cold, fragile fingers.



Instead of answering, she glanced around the room like she was searching for something, both a plea and a warning in her look. Six pairs of anxious yellow eyes stared back at her. Finally, she turned to Rosalie.



“Help me up, Rose?” she asked.



Rosalie’s lips pulled back over her teeth, and she glared up at me like she wanted to rip my throat out. I was sure that was exactly the case.



“Please, Rose.”



The blonde made a face, but leaned over her again, next to Edward, who didn’t move an inch. She put her arm carefully behind Bella’s shoulders.



“No,” I whispered. “Don’t get up. . . .” She looked so weak.



“I’m answering your question,” she snapped, sounding a little bit more like the way she usually talked to me.



Rosalie pulled Bella off the couch. Edward stayed where he was, sagging forward till his face was buried in the cushions. The blanket fell to the ground at Bella’s feet.



Bella’s body was swollen, her torso ballooning out in a strange, sick way. It strained against the faded gray sweatshirt that was way too big for her shoulders and arms. The rest of her seemed thinner, like the big bulge had grown out of what it had sucked from her. It took me a second to realize what the deformed part was—I didn’t understand until she folded her hands tenderly around her bloated stomach, one above and one below. Like she was cradling it.



I saw it then, but I still couldn’t believe it. I’d seen her just a month ago. There was no way she could be pregnant. Not that pregnant.



Except that she was.



I didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to think about this. I didn’t want to imagine him inside her. I didn’t want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved. My stomach heaved, and I had to swallow back vomit.



But it was worse than that, so much worse. Her distorted body, the bones jabbing against the skin of her face. I could only guess that she looked like this—so pregnant, so sick—because whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own.…



Because it was a monster. Just like its father.



I always knew he would kill her.



His head snapped up as he heard the words inside mine. One second we were both on our knees, and then he was on his feet, towering over me. His eyes were flat black, the circles under them dark purple.



“Outside, Jacob,” he snarled.



I was on my feet, too. Looking down on him now. This was why I was here.



“Let’s do this,” I agreed.



The big one, Emmett, pushed forward on Edward’s other side, with the hungry looking one, Jasper, right behind him. I really didn’t care. Maybe my pack would clean up the scraps when they finished me off. Maybe not. It didn’t matter.



For the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme. Alice. Small and distractingly feminine. Well, I was sure the others would kill me before I had to do anything about them. I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls.



Though I might make an exception for that blonde.





“No,” Bella gasped, and she stumbled forward, out of balance, to clutch at

Edward’s arm. Rosalie moved with her, like there was a chain locking them to

each other.



“I just need to talk to him, Bella,” Edward said in a low voice, talking only to her.



He reached up to touch her face, to stroke it. This made the room turn red, made

me see fire—that, after all he’d done to her, he was still allowed to touch her that

way. “Don’t strain yourself,” he went on, pleading. “Please rest. We’ll both be

back in just a few minutes.”



She stared at his face, reading it carefully. Then she nodded and drooped toward

the couch. Rosalie helped lower her back onto the cushions. Bella stared at me,

trying to hold my eyes.



“Behave,” she insisted. “And then come back.”



I didn’t answer. I wasn’t making any promises today. I looked away and then



followed Edward out the front door.



A random, disjointed voice in my head noted that separating him from the coven

hadn’t been so difficult, had it?



He kept walking, never checking to see if I was about to spring at his unprotected

back. I supposed he didn’t need to check. He would know when I decided to

attack. Which meant I’d have to make that decision very quickly.



“I’m not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black,” he whispered as he paced

quickly away from the house. “You’ll have to have a little patience.”



Like I cared about his schedule. I growled under my breath. “Patience isn’t my

specialty.”



He kept walking, maybe a couple hundred yards down the drive away from the

house, with me right on his heels. I was all hot, my fingers trembling. On the

edge, ready and waiting.



He stopped without warning and pivoted to face me. His expression froze me

again.



For a second I was just a kid—a kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny

town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot

more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edward’s eyes.



He raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from his forehead, but his fingers scraped

against his face like they were going to rip his granite skin right off. His black eyes

burned in their sockets, out of focus, or seeing things that weren’t there. His

mouth opened like he was going to scream, but nothing came out.



This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake.



For a moment I couldn’t speak. It was too real, this face—I’d seen a shadow of it

in the house, seen it in her eyes and his, but this made it final. The last nail in her coffin.



“It’s killing her, right? She’s dying.” And I knew when I said it that my face was a

watered-down echo of his. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadn’t

wrapped my head around it yet—it was happening too fast. He’d had time to get

to this point. And it was different because I’d already lost her so many times, so

many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose.



And different because this wasn’t my fault.



“My fault,” Edward whispered, and his knees gave out. He crumpled in front of

me, vulnerable, the easiest target you could imagine.



But I felt cold as snow—there was no fire in me.



“Yes,” he groaned into the dirt, like he was confessing to the ground. “Yes, it’s

killing her.”



His broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where

was his smug superiority now?



“So why hasn’t Carlisle done anything?” I growled. “He’s a doctor, right? Get it

out of her.”



He looked up then and answered me in a tired voice. Like he was explaining this

to a kindergartener for the tenth time. “She won’t let us.”



It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jeez, she was running true to form. Of

course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.



“You know her well,” he whispered. “How quickly you see.… I didn’t see. Not in time. She wouldn’t talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened—that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport

and she ran rigt into Rosalie’s arms. Rosalie’s! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn’t understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second. . . .” He half-sighed, half-groaned.



“Just back up a second. She won’t let you.” The sarcasm was acid on my tongue. “Did you ever notice that she’s exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-tenpound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs.”



“I wanted to,” he whispered. “Carlisle would have. . . .”



What, too noble were they?



“No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things.”



Oh. His story hadn’t made much sense before, but it fit together now. So that’s

what Blondie was up to. What was in it for her, though? Did the beauty queen

want Bella to die so bad?



“Maybe,” he said. “Rosalie doesn’t look at it quite that way.”



“So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her

into a jigsaw and take care of Bella.”



“Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us… and Carlisle

won’t help me with Esme against it. . . .” He trailed off, his voice disappearing.



“You should have left Bella with me.”



“Yes.”



It was a bit late for that, though. Maybe he should have thought about all this

before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster.



He stared up at me from inside his own personal hell, and I could see that he

agreed with me.



“We didn’t know,” he said, the words as quiet as a breath. “I never dreamed.



There’s never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a

human was able conceive a child with one of us—”



“When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?”



“Yes,” he agreed in a tense whisper. “They’re out there, the sadistic ones, the

incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the

feast. No one survives.” He shook his head like the idea revolted him. Like he was

any different.



“I didn’t realize they had a special name for what you are,” I spit.



He stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old.



“Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.”



Wrong, I thought, too enraged to speak.



“Killing me now doesn’t save her,” he said quietly.



“So what does?”



“Jacob, you have to do something for me.”



“The hell I do, parasite!”



He kept staring at me with those half-tired, half-crazy eyes. “For her?”



I clenched my teeth together hard. “I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It’s too late.”



“You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don’t even understand.



You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won’t listen to me, because she

thinks I’m underestimating her. She thinks she’s strong enough for this. . . .” He

choked and then swallowed. “She might listen to you.”



“Why would she?”



He lurched to his feet, his eyes burning brighter than before, wilder. I wondered

if he was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?



“Maybe,” he answered my thought. “I don’t know. It feels like it.” He shook his

head. “I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill.



She can’t keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can’t make it

harder. But that doesn’t matter now. She has to listen to you!”



“I can’t tell her anything you haven’t. What do you want me to do? Tell her she’s

stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she’s going to die? I bet she

knows that, too.”



“You can offer her what she wants.”



He wasn’t making any sense. Part of the crazy?



“I don’t care about anything but keeping her alive,” he said, suddenly focused

now. “If it’s a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies.



Anything she wants.” He paused for one beat. “She can have puppies, if that’s

what it takes.”



He met my stare for a moment and his face was frenzied under the thin layer of

control. My hard scowl crumbled as I processed his words, and I felt my mouth

pop open in shock.



“But not this way!” he hissed before I could recover. “Not this thing that’s sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her.” He sucked in a fast breath like someone had punched him in the gut. “You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won’t listen to me anymore. Rosalie’s always there, feeding her insanity—encouraging

her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bella’s life means nothing to her.”



The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking.



What was he saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With me? What?



How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldn’t mind being shared?



“Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive.”



“That’s the craziest thing you’ve said yet,” I mumbled.



“She loves you.”



“Not enough.”



“She’s ready to die to have a child. Maybe she’d accept something less extreme.”



“Don’t you know her at all?”



“I know, I know. It’s going to take a lot of convincing. That’s why I need you. You

know how she thinks. Make her see sense.”



I couldn’t think about what he was suggesting. It was too much. Impossible.



Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday

morning like a rental movie? So messed up.



So tempting.



I didn’t want to consider, didn’t want to imagine, but the images came anyway.



I’d fantasized about Bella that way too many times, back when there was still a

possibility of us, and then long after it was clear that the fantasies would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility, none at all. I hadn’t been able to help myself then. I couldn’t stop myself now. Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name…



Worse still, this new image I’d never had before, one that by all rights shouldn’t have existed for me. Not yet. An image I knew I wouldn’t’ve suffered over for years if he hadn’t shoved it in my head now. But it stuck there, winding threads through my brain like a weed—poisonous and unkillable. Bella, healthy and glowing, so different than now, but something the same: her body, not distorted,

changed in a more natural way. Round with my child.



I tried to escape the venomous weed in my mind. “Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?”



“At least try.”



I shook my head fast. He waited, ignoring the negative answer because he could hear the conflict in my thoughts.



“Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?”



“I’ve been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn’t know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn’t listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn’t come today. But it’s hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition… it changes so fast. The thing is… growing. Swiftly. I can’t be away from her now.”



“What is it?”



“None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already.”



I could suddenly see it then—see the swelling monster in my head, breaking her

from the inside out.



“Help me stop it,” he whispered. “Help me stop this from happening.”



“How? By offering my stud services?” He didn’t even flinch when I said that, but I

did. “You’re really sick. She’ll never listen to this.”



“Try. There’s nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?”



It would hurt me. Hadn’t I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?



“A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?”



“But it won’t work.”



“Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she’ll falter in her resolve.



One moment of doubt is all I need.”



“And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? ‘Just kidding, Bella’?”



“If she wants a child, that’s what she gets. I won’t rescind.”



I couldn’t believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch me—not that



I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldn’t let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now.



“Not now,” he whispered. “Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won’t listen to you, you’ll get your chance.



The moment Bella’s heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me.”



“You won’t have to beg long.”



The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’m very much counting on that.”

Categories: breaking dawn, twilight

Breaking Dawn - Chapter 8

Waiting for the damn fight to start already

“Jeez, Paul, don’t you freaking have a home of your own?”




Paul, lounging across my whole couch, watching some stupid baseball game on my crappy TV, just grinned at me and then—real slow—he lifted one Dorito from the bag in his lap and wedged it into his mouth in one piece.



“You better’ve brought those with you.”



Crunch. “Nope,” he said while chewing. “Your sister said to go ahead and help myself to anything I wanted.”



I tried to make my voice sound like I wasn’t about to punch him. “Is Rachel here now?”



It didn’t work. He heard where I was going and shoved the bag behind his back.



The bag crackled as he smashed it into the cushion. The chips crunched into pieces. Paul’s hands came up in fists, close to his face like a boxer.



“Bring it, kid. I don’t need Rachel to protect me.”



I snorted. “Right. Like you wouldn’t go crying to her first chance.”



He laughed and relaxed into the sofa, dropping his hands. “I’m not going to go tattle to a girl. If you got in a lucky hit, that would be just between the two of us.



And vice versa, right?”



Nice of him to give me an invitation. I made my body slump like I’d given up.



“Right.”



His eyes shifted to the TV.



I lunged.



His nose made a very satisfying crunching sound of its own when my fist connected. He tried to grab me, but I danced out of the way before he could find a hold, the ruined bag of Doritos in my left hand.



“You broke my nose, idiot.”



“Just between us, right, Paul?”



I went to put the chips away. When I turned around, Paul was repositioning his nose before it could set crooked. The blood had already stopped; it looked like it had no source as it trickled down his lips and off his chin. He cussed, wincing as he pulled at the cartilage.



“You are such a pain, Jacob. I swear, I’d rather hang out with Leah.”



“Ouch. Wow, I bet Leah’s really going to love to hear that you want to spend some quality time with her. It’ll just warm the cockles of her heart.”



“You’re going to forget I said that.”



“Of course. I’m sure it won’t slip out.”



“Ugh,” he grunted, and then settled back into the couch, wiping the leftover blood on the collar of his t-shirt. “You’re fast, kid. I’ll give you that.” He turned his attention back to the fuzzy game.



I stood there for a second, and then I stalked off to my room, muttering about alien abductions.



Back in the day, you could count on Paul for a fight pretty much whenever. You didn’t have to hit him then—any mild insult would do. It didn’t take a lot to flip him out of control. Now, of course, when I really wanted a good snarling, ripping, break-the-trees-down match, he had to be all mellow.



Wasn’t it bad enough that yet another member of the pack had imprinted— because, really, that made four of ten now! When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare, for crying out loud! All this mandatory love-at-first-sight was completely sickening!



Did it have to be my sister? Did it have to be Paul?



When Rachel’d come home from Washington State at the end of the summer semester—graduated early, the nerd—my biggest worry’d been that it would be hard keeping the secret around her. I wasn’t used to covering things up in my own home. It made me real sympathetic to kids like Embry and Collin, whose parents didn’t know they were werewolves. Embry’s mom thought he was going

through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn’t much he could do about that.



She’d check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She’d yell and he’d take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We’d tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry’d said he didn’t mind. The secret was too important.



So I’d been all geared up to be keeping that secret. And then, two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on the beach. Bada bing, bada boom—true love! No secrets necessary when you found your other half, and all that mprinting werewolf garbage.



Rachel got the whole story. And I got Paul as a brother-in-law someday. I knew Billy wasn’t much thrilled about it, either. But he handled it better than I did. ’Course, he did escape to the Clearwaters’ more often than usual these days. I didn’t see where that was so much better. No Paul, but plenty of Leah.



I wondered—would a bullet through my temple actually kill me or just leave a really big mess for me to clean up?



I threw myself down on the bed. I was tired—hadn’t slept since my last patrol— but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. My head was too crazy. The thoughts bounced around inside my skull like a disoriented swarm of bees. Noisy. Now and then they stung. Must be hornets, not bees. Bees died after one sting. And the same thoughts were stinging me again and again.



This waiting was driving me insane. It had been almost four weeks. I’d expected, one way or another, the news would have come by now. I’d sat up nights imagining what form it would take.



Charlie sobbing on the phone—Bella and her husband lost in an accident. A plane crash? That would be hard to fake. Unless the leeches didn’t mind killing a bunch of bystanders to authenticate it, and why would they? Maybe a small plane instead. They probably had one of those to spare.



Or would the murderer come home alone, unsuccessful in his attempt to make her one of them? Or not even getting that far. Maybe he’d smashed her like a bag of chips in his drive to get some? Because her life was less important to him than his own pleasure…



The story would be so tragic—Bella lost in a horrible accident. Victim of a mugging gone wrong. Choking to death at dinner. A car accident, like my mom. So common. Happened all the time.



Would he bring her home? Bury her here for Charlie? Closed-casket ceremony, of course. My mom’s coffin had been nailed shut.…



I could only hope that he’d come back here, within my reach.



Maybe there would be no story at all. Maybe Charlie would call to ask my dad if he’d heard anything from Dr. Cullen, who just didn’t show up to work one day.



The house abandoned. No answer on any of the Cullens’ phones. The mystery picked up by some second-rate news program, foul play suspected…



Maybe the big white house would burn to the ground, everyone trapped inside. Of course, they’d need bodies for that one. Eight humans of roughly the right size. Burned beyond recognition—beyond the help of dental records.



Either of those would be tricky—for me, that is. It would be hard to find them if

they didn’t want to be found. Of course, I had forever to look. If you had forever,

you could check out every single piece of straw in the haystack, one by one, to see

if it was the needle.



Right now, I wouldn’t mind dismantling a haystack. At least that would be something to do. I hated knowing that I could be losing my chance. Giving the bloodsuckers the time to escape, if that was their plan.



We could go tonight. We could kill every one of them that we could find. I liked that plan because I knew Edward well enough to know that, if I killed any one of his coven, I would get my chance at him, too. He’d come for revenge. And



I’d give it to him—I wouldn’t let my brothers take him down as a pack. It would be just him and me. May the better man win.



But Sam wouldn’t hear of it. We’re not going to break the treaty. Let them make the breach. Just because we had no proof that the Cullens had done anything wrong. Yet. You had to add the yet, because we all knew it was inevitable. Bella was either coming back one of them, or not coming back. Either way, a human life had been lost. And that meant game on. In the other room, Paul brayed like a mule. Maybe he’d switched to a comedy.



Maybe the commercial was funny. Whatever. It grated on my nerves.



I thought about breaking his nose again. But it wasn’t Paul I wanted to fight with.



Not really.



I tried to listen to other sounds, the wind in the trees. It wasn’t the same, not through human ears. There were a million voices in the wind that I couldn’t hear

in this body.



But these ears were sensitive enough. I could hear past the trees, to the road, the sounds of the cars coming around that last bend where you could finally see the beach—the vista of the islands and the rocks and the big blue ocean stretching to the horizon. The La Push cops liked to hang out right around there. Tourists never noticed the reduced speed limit sign on the other side of the road.



I could hear the voices outside the souvenir shop on the beach. I could hear the cowbell clanging as the door opened and closed. I could hear Embry’s mom at the cash register, printing out a receipt.



I could hear the tide raking across the beach rocks. I could hear the kids squeal as the icy water rushed in too fast for them to get out of the way. I could hear the moms complain about the wet clothes. And I could hear a familiar voice.…



I was listening so hard that the sudden burst of Paul’s donkey laugh made me jump half off the bed.



“Get out of my house,” I grumbled. Knowing he wouldn’t pay any attention, I followed my own advice. I wrenched open my window and climbed out the back way so that I wouldn’t see Paul again. It would be too tempting. I knew I would hit him again, and Rachel was going to be pissed enough already. She’d see the blood on his shirt, and she’d blame me right away without waiting for proof. Of

course, she’d be right, but still.I paced down to the shore, my fists in my pockets. Nobody looked at me twice when I went through the dirt lot by First Beach. That was one nice thing about

summer—no one cared if you wore nothing but shorts.



I followed the familiar voice I’d heard and found Quil easy enough. He was on the south end of the crescent, avoiding the bigger part of the tourist crowd. He kept up a constant stream of warnings.



“Keep out of the water, Claire. C’mon. No, don’t. Oh! Nice, kid. Seriously, do you want Emily to yell at me? I’m not bringing you back to the beach again if you don’t—Oh yeah? Don’t—ugh. You think that’s funny, do you? Hah! Who’s laughing now, huh?”



He had the giggling toddler by the ankle when I reached them. She had a bucket in one hand, and her jeans were drenched. He had a huge wet mark down the front of his t-shirt.



“Five bucks on the baby girl,” I said.



“Hey, Jake.”



Claire squealed and threw her bucket at Quil’s knees. “Down, down!”



He set her carefully on her feet and she ran to me. She wrapped her arms around

my leg.



“Unca Jay!”



“How’s it going, Claire?”



She giggled. “Qwil aaaaawl wet now.”



“I can see that. Where’s your mama?”



“Gone, gone, gone,” Claire sang, “Cwaire pway wid Qwil aaaawl day. Cwaire nebber gowin home.” She let go of me and ran to Quil. He scooped her up and slung her onto his shoulders.



“Sounds like somebody’s hit the terrible twos.”



“Threes actually,” Quil corrected. “You missed the party. Princess theme. She made me wear a crown, and then Emily suggested they all try out her new play makeup on me.”



“Wow, I’m really sorry I wasn’t around to see that.”



“Don’t worry, Emily has pictures. Actually, I look pretty hot.”



“You’re such a patsy.”



Quil shrugged. “Claire had a great time. That was the point.”



I rolled my eyes. It was hard being around imprinted people. No matter what stage they were in—about to tie the knot like Sam or just a much-abused nanny like Quil—the peace and certainty they always radiated was downright pukeinducing.



Claire squealed on his shoulders and pointed at the ground. “Pity wock, Qwil! For me, for me!”



“Which one, kiddo? The red one?”



“No wed!”



Quil dropped to his knees—Claire screamed and pulled his hair like a horse’s

reigns.



“This blue one?”



“No, no, no…,” the little girl sang, thrilled with her new game.



The weird part was, Quil was having just as much fun as she was. He didn’t have that face on that so many of the tourist dads and moms were wearing—the whenis- nap-time? face. You never saw a real parent so jazzed to play whatever stupid kiddie sport their rugrat could think up. I’d seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored.



And I couldn’t even make fun of him for it—I envied him too much.



Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age—for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn’t get older. But even all that time didn’t seem to bother him much.



“Quil, you ever think about dating?” I asked.



“Huh?”



“No, no yewwo!” Claire crowed.



“You know. A real girl. I mean, just for now, right? On your nights off babysitting

duty.”



Quil stared at me, his mouth hanging open.



“Pity wock! Pity wock!” Claire screamed when he didn’t offer her another choice.



She smacked him on the head with her little fist.



“Sorry, Claire-bear. How about this pretty purple one?”



“No,” she giggled. “No poopoh.”



“Give me a clue. I’m begging, kid.”



Claire thought it over. “Gween,” she finally said.



Quil stared at the rocks, studying them. He picked four rocks in different shades

of green, and offered them to her.



“Did I get it?”



“Yay!”



“Which one?”



“Aaaaawl ob dem!!”



She cupped her hands and he poured the small rocks into them. She laughed and immediately clunked him on the head with them. He winced theatrically and then got to his feet and started walking back up toward the parking lot. Probably worried about her getting cold in her wet clothes. He was worse than any paranoid, overprotective mother.



“Sorry if I was being pushy before, man, about the girl thing,” I said.



“Naw, that’s cool,” Quil said. “It kind of took me by surprise is all. I hadn’t thought about it.”



“I bet she’d understand. You know, when she’s grown up. She wouldn’t get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers.”



“No, I know. I’m sure she’d understand that.”



He didn’t say anything else.



“But you won’t do that, will you?” I guessed.



“I can’t see it,” he said in a low voice. “I can’t imagine. I just don’t… see anyone that way. I don’t notice girls anymore, you know. I don’t see their faces.”



“Put that together with the tiara and makeup, and maybe Claire will have a different kind of competition to worry about.”



Quil laughed and made kissing noises at me. “You available this Friday, Jacob?”



“You wish,” I said, and then I made a face. “Yeah, guess I am, though.”



He hesitated a second and then said, “You ever think about dating?”



I sighed. Guess I’d opened myself up for that one.



“You know, Jake, maybe you should think about getting a life.”



He didn’t say it like a joke. His voice was sympathetic. That made it worse.



“I don’t see them, either, Quil. I don’t see their faces.”



Quil sighed, too.



Far away, too low for anyone but just us two to hear it over the waves, a howl rose out of the forest.



“Dang, that’s Sam,” Quil said. His hands flew up to touch Claire, as if making sure

she was still there. “I don’t know where her mom’s at!”



“I’ll see what it is. If we need you, I’ll let you know.” I raced through the words.



They came out all slurred together. “Hey, why don’t you take her up to the

Clearwaters’? Sue and Billy can keep an eye on her if they need to. They might

know what’s going on, anyway.”



“Okay—get outta here, Jake!”



I took off running, not for the dirt path through the weedy hedge, but in the shortest line toward the forest. I hurdled the first line of driftwood and then ripped my way through the briars, still running. I felt the little tears as the thorns cut into my skin, but I ignored them. Their sting would be healed before I made the trees.



I cut behind the store and darted across the highway. Somebody honked at me. Once in the safety of the trees, I ran faster, taking longer strides. People would stare if I was out in the open. Normal people couldn’t run like this. Sometimes I thought it might be fun to enter a race—you know, like the Olympic trials or something. It would be cool to watch the expressions on those star athletes’ faces

when I blew by them. Only I was pretty sure the testing they did to make sure you weren’t on steroids would probably turn up some really freaky crap in my blood.



As soon as I was in the true forest, unbound by roads or houses, I skidded to a stop and kicked my shorts off. With quick, practiced moves, I rolled them up and tied them to the leather cord around my ankle. As I was still pulling the ends tight, I started shifting. The fire trembled down my spine, throwing tight spasms out along my arms and legs. It only took a second. The heat flooded through me, and I felt the silent shimmer that made me something else. I threw my heavy paws against the matted earth and stretched my back in one long, rolling

extension.



Phasing was very easy when I was centered like this. I didn’t have issues with my temper anymore. Except when it got in the way.



For one half second, I remembered the awful moment at that unspeakable joke of a wedding. I’d been so insane with fury that I couldn’t make my body work right. I’d been trapped, shaking and burning, unable to make the change and kill the monster just a few feet away from me. It had been so confusing. Dying to kill him.



Afraid to hurt her. My friends in the way. And then, when I was finally able to take the form I wanted, the order from my leader. The edict from the Alpha. If it had been just Embry and Quil there that night without Sam… would I have been able to kill the murderer, then?



I hated it when Sam laid down the law like that. I hated the feeling of having no

choice. Of having to obey.



And then I was conscious of an audience. I was not alone in my thoughts.



So self-absorbed all the time, Leah thought.



Yeah, no hypocrisy there, Leah, I thought back.



Can it, guys, Sam told us.



We fell silent, and I felt Leah’s wince at the word guys. Touchy, like always.



Sam pretended not to notice. Where’s Quil and Jared?



Quil’s got Claire. He’s taking her to the Clearwaters’.



Good. Sue will take her.



Jared was going to Kim’s, Embry thought. Good chance he didn’t hear you.





There was a low grumble through the pack. I moaned along with them. When Jared finally showed up, no doubt he’d still be thinking about Kim. And nobody wanted a replay of what they were up to right now.



Sam sat back on his haunches and let another howl rip into the air. It was a signal and an order in one.



The pack was gathered a few miles east of where I was. I loped through the thick forest toward them. Leah, Embry, and Paul all were working in toward them, too.



Leah was close—soon I could hear her footfalls not far into the woods. We continued in a parallel line, choosing not to run together.



Well, we’re not waiting all day for him. He’ll just have to catch up later.



’Sup, boss? Paul wanted to know.



We need to talk. Something’s happened.



I felt Sam’s thoughts flicker to me—and not just Sam’s, but Seth’s and Collin’s and Brady’s as well. Collin and Brady—the new kids—had been running patrol with Sam today, so they would know whatever he knew. I didn’t know why Seth was already out here, and in the know. It wasn’t his turn.



Seth, tell them what you heard.



I sped up, wanting to be there. I heard Leah move faster, too. She hated being

outrun. Being the fastest was the only edge she claimed.



Claim this, moron, she hissed, and then she really kicked it into gear. I dug my

nails into the loam and shot myself forward.



Sam didn’t seem in the mood to put up with our usual crap. Jake, Leah, give it a

rest.



Neither of us slowed.



Sam growled, but let it go. Seth?



Charlie called around till he found Billy at my house.



Yeah, I talked to him, Paul added.



I felt a jolt go through me as Seth thought Charlie’s name. This was it. The waiting was over. I ran faster, forcing myself to breathe, though my lungs felt kinda stiff all of a sudden.



Which story would it be?



So he’s all flipped out. Guess Edward and Bella got home last week, and…



My chest eased up.



She was alive. Or she wasn’t dead dead, at least.



I hadn’t realized how much difference it would make to me. I’d been thinking of her as dead this whole time, and I only saw that now. I saw that I’d never believed that he would bring her back alive. It shouldn’t matter, because I knew what was coming next.



Yeah, bro, and here’s the bad news. Charlie talked to her, said she sounded bad.



She told him she’s sick. Carlisle got on and told Charlie that Bella picked up some rare disease in South America. Said she’s quarantined. Charlie’s going crazy, ’cause even he’s not allowed to see her. He says he doesn’t care if he gets sick, but Carlisle wouldn’t bend. No visitors. Told Charlie it was pretty serious, but that he’s doing everything he can. Charlie’s been stewing about it for days,

but he only called Billy now. He said she sounded worse today.



The mental silence when Seth finished was profound. We all understood.



So she would die of this disease, as far as Charlie knew. Would they let him view the corpse? The pale, perfectly still, unbreathing white body? They couldn’t let him touch the cold skin—he might notice how hard it was. They’d have to wait until she could hold still, could keep from killing Charlie and the other mourners.



How long would that take?



Would they bury her? Would she dig herself out, or would the bloodsuckers come

for her?



The others listened to my speculating in silence. I’d put a lot more thought into

this than any of them.



Leah and I entered the clearing at nearly the same time. She was sure her nose led the way, though. She dropped onto her haunches beside her brother while I trotted forward to stand at Sam’s right hand. Paul circled and made room for me

in my place.



Beatcha again, Leah thought, but I barely heard her.



I wondered why I was the only one on my feet. My fur stood up on my shoulders, bristling with impatience.



Well, what are we waiting for? I asked.



No one said anything, but I heard their feelings of hesitation.



Oh, come on! The treaty’s broken!



We have no proof—maybe she is sick.…



OH, PLEASE!



Okay, so the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong. Still… Jacob. Sam’s thought came slow, hesitant. Are you sure this is what you want? Is it really the right thing? We all know what she wanted.



The treaty doesn’t mention anything about victim preferences, Sam!

Is she really a victim? Would you label her that way?



Yes!



Jake, Seth thought, they aren’t our enemies.



Shut up, kid! Just ’cause you’ve got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn’t change the law. They are our enemies. They are in our territory. We take them out. I don’t care if you had fun fighting alongside Edward Cullen once upon a time.



So what are you going to do when Bella fights with them, Jacob? Huh? Seth

demanded.



She’s not Bella anymore.



You gonna be the one to take her down?



I couldn’t stop myself from wincing.



No, you’re not. So, what? You gonna make one of us do it? And then hold a grudge against whoever it is forever?



I wouldn’t.…



Sure you won’t. You’re not ready for this fight, Jacob.



Instinct took over and I crouched forward, snarling at the gangly sand-colored

wolf across the circle.



Jacob! Sam cautioned. Seth, shut up for a second.



Seth nodded his big head.





Dang, what’d I miss? Quil thought. He was running for the gathering place fullout.



Heard about Charlie’s call.…



We’re getting ready to go, I told him. Why don’t you swing by Kim’s and drag



Jared out with your teeth? We’re going to need everyone.



Come straight here, Quil, Sam ordered. We’ve decided nothing yet.



I growled.



Jacob, I have to think about what’s best for this pack. I have to choose the course that protects you all best. Times have changed since our ancestors made that treaty. I… well, I don’t honestly believe that the Cullens are a danger to us. And we know that they will not be here much longer. Surely once they’ve told their story, they will disappear. Our lives can return to normal.



Normal?



If we challenge them, Jacob, they will defend themselves well.



Are you afraid?



Are you so ready to lose a brother? He paused. Or a sister? he tacked on as an

afterthought.



I’m not afraid to die.



I know that, Jacob. It’s one reason I question your judgment on this.



I stared into his black eyes. Do you intend to honor our fathers’ treaty or not?



I honor my pack. I do what’s best for them.



Coward.



His muzzle tensed, pulling back over his teeth.



Enough, Jacob. You’re overruled. Sam’s mental voice changed, took on that

strange double timbre that we could not disobey. The voice of the Alpha. He met

the gaze of every wolf in the circle.



The pack is not attacking the Cullens without provocation. The spirit of the treaty remains. They are not a danger to our people, nor are they a danger to the people of Forks. Bella Swan made an informed choice, and we are not going to punish our former allies for her choice.



Hear, hear, Seth thought enthusiastically.



I thought I told you to shut it, Seth.



Oops. Sorry, Sam.



Jacob, where do you think you’re going?



I left the circle, moving toward the west so that I could turn my back on him. I’m going to tell my father goodbye. Apparently there was no purpose in me

sticking around this long.



Aw, Jake—don’t do that again!



Shut up, Seth, several voices thought together.



We don’t want you to leave, Sam told me, his thought softer than before.



So force me to stay, Sam. Take away my will. Make me a slave.



You know I won’t do that.



Then there’s nothing more to say.



I ran away from them, trying very hard not to think about what was next. Instead, I concentrated on my memories of the long wolf months, of letting the humanity bleed out of me until I was more animal than man. Living in the moment, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, drinking when thirsty, and running—running just to run. Simple desires, simple answers to those desires. Pain came in easily

managed forms. The pain of hunger. The pain of cold ice under your paws. The pain of cutting claws when dinner got feisty. Each pain had a simple answer, a clear action to end that pain.



Not like being human.



Yet, as soon as I was in jogging distance of my house, I shifted back into my

human body. I needed to be able to think in privacy.



I untied my shorts and yanked them on, already running for the house.



I’d done it. I’d hidden what I was thinking and now it was too late for Sam to stop me. He couldn’t hear me now.



Sam had made a very clear ruling. The pack would not attack the Cullens. Okay.

He hadn’t mentioned an individual acting alone.

Nope, the pack wasn’t attacking anyone today.

Categories: breaking dawn, twilight